Saturday, October 17, 2009

Hoisted On His Own Batard

The news has broken. Rush Limbaugh wants to own a professional football team

and some professional football players are refusing to play for any team in which El Rushbo

has a piece. Rush is outraged and is blaming liberal, commie, lefty, feminazi wimps for

stirring up trouble for him. He knows for a fact no professional football player is thoughtful

enough or articulate enough to have come up with public statements in opposition to his

lifelong dream to own other human beings. The Crips and Bloods who make up the NFL

(Rush's words, not mine) have been immersed in Ebonics and lefty educational theory

by Mao-loving, Fidel-praising, hairy-legged public school teachers couldn't string together

a series of coherent sentences to order McNuggets let alone oppose him.

The Rushmeister is contemplating buying a piece of the St. Louis Rams. Rush

is a huge football fan; and the thought of being able to walk into the steamy, sweaty,

testosterone-driven locker room after a game and survey thousands of pounds of beefcake

which belongs to him is the stuff of dreams for the hillbilly heroin kid. He is all atwitter

at the thought of participating in legal human trafficking. Boss Rush could hire and fire

coaches and players. You screw up on a Sunday and Rush can send you and your family

packing to Buffalo on a moments notice. You drop a pass and he drops you. He is salivating

over the thought of inviting friends to watch his "boys" play on any given Sunday.

Rush is also looking forward to rubbing elbows with other regressive owners

like himself. He is thrilled to participate in the annual professional sports owner's ritual

of cursing the memory of Curt Flood. They long for the return of the reserve clause which

held athletes as virtual slaves to the team that owned them. Rush is right at home with

this group of plantation massahs. After all, he is on the record about the merits of slavery.

He reminds his dittoheads how slavery built the South, and therefore had some merit as

an institution of civilized folks.

The question being bandied about is whether the NFL should allow Limbaugh

to own a piece of a team. Would St. Louis fans root for a team where Limbaugh benefits

from every win? James Carville, campaign manager for President Clinton's first campaign,

says it doesn't matter. His team, the Saints, and the New York Giants will play each other;

and even if George W. Bush were to purchase the team this week he, Carville, would still

root for the Saints to crush the Giants. Most people, according to Carville, don't care who

the owner is. They only care about whether they win or not.

Would players really boycott Limbaugh? If he is willing to pay them more than

any other team to play for him, will they? Joe Montana is quoted saying "...every time I

would talk to management about the game, they would remind me it's a business. Every

time I wanted to talk business, they would remind me it's only a game". Few people

believe pro football players would turn down a big paycheck signed by Osama bin Limbaugh.

They would take his money no matter what his political philosophy. So if the fans won't

care and most players won't care and if Rush can come up with the money, he will get

a team, right?

Professional football is exempt from a number of anti-trust laws. Players are

drafted and must play for the team which drafted them or face fines and sit out the season

and more. There are exceptions; but for the most part, you play for who drafted you. If

a player is drafted by a Limbaugh-owned team, should he be able to object and play for

someone else? Would members of Congress be outraged to see a player forced to play

for Limbaugh? Would they be pressured to yank the anti-trust exemption and throw

the whole NFL draft system into chaos? Would other owners want to take the risk of

losing such a valuable provision for the "pleasure" of hobnobbing with a Rusha,Rusha

burning love?

Professional football has a code of conduct for players. If you violate it, you

can be fined or suspended. Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress are two examples of great

players suspended for running afoul of the law and the league's code of conduct. What

happens to the code if Rush is allowed to own a team? He is a former drug addict who

caused himself serious physical damage by abusing certain drugs. He frequently makes

statements which bring derision and anger down on him and this would hurt the League.

Could the League serve an owner who claims there has never been a good black quarterback

or who hopes the President fails to turn the recession around? NFL commissioner, Paul

Tagliabue, says players have to be held to a high standard of behavior. What about Rush?

In the end, even if Rush has the money, the other owners are not going to vote

to take this headache on. They would have to worry every day what he is going to say to

tick off some part of their fan base. Even if only one player refused to play for a team he

owned, could they run the risk of alienating progressive and moderate members of Congress?

Rush has made his living preaching to the choir. His audience believes in everything

he stands for and they are loyal to a fault. His supporters, however, are a small minority

of professional sports fans. The NFL has been trying to expand it's appeal to women.

Women dislike Rush in large numbers according to most polls. With Rush as an NFL

owner, will women be turned off and find other ways to enjoy a Sunday afternoon?

Words have consequences and ideas have power. Rush is about to learn he is not

immune from those two truisms. The NFL owners, despite agreeing with Rush politically

and maybe even philosophically, will not want to vote to place a live grenade in their midst;

a grenade which could go off at any time and destroy their cozy money-making machine.

They may listen to him every day on the radio, but they don't want to listen to him at

owner's meetings or have to respond to him on the front of the sports pages. They will

kindly say thanks Rush, but no thanks. Is this fair? Are the owners of America's game

acting un-American by rejecting "American conscience"? Could any team Rush owns ever

be successful only running to the right? What do you think? I welcome your comments

and rebuttals. Please send them to

1 comment:

  1. can you believe a girl is reading about football. lol :) i can't help it i love it!

    mandie reed