JEOPARDY

ANSWER: We thought it was safe and no one could have anticipated a disaster of this proportion.

QUESTION: What did the spokesperson for P.G.&E. say after the 8.9 earthquake and ensuing tsunami hit the Diablo Nuclear Power Plant and caused the evacuation of most of the central coast of California? (P.G.&E. is asking for a 20-year extension for the operating license of Diablo Canyon despite its antiquated design, location over and earthquake fault and no plans to upgrade the facility)

ANSWER: Yes, medical care will not be available to all and some care will deteriorate, and over time some might die because of an inability to afford care, but it is unfair to call this just a longer form of death panels.

QUESTION: What did Rep. Paul Ryan say when asked what the consequences will be if Medicare is privatized?

ANSWER: We are fighting against a government that denies us basic rights, is corrupt, taxes us without our consent and refuses to listen to our pleas for help.

QUESTION: What did the mayor of Washington DC say as he was being arrested for blocking the entrance to the Hart Senate Office building after Congress prohibited the district from using any funds to help poor women obtain an abortion?

ANSWER: If we really wanted to have fair trials, that would be one solution.

QUESTION: What did White House Press Secretary Jay Kearney say when asked why President Obama doesn’t just fly a federal judge to Guantanamo and conduct the trials of Khalid Sheik Mohammed and others under constitutional guidelines instead of using military tribunals?

ANSWER: There is only so much Metamucil any one show can sell.

QUESTION: Why did Fox cancel Glenn Beck's show after ratings show his audience is older than dirt?

ANSWER: "I’m shocked, shocked, anyone would lie about this, but don’t blame me, Scooter Libby was just so cute and I wanted to help my soul mate.

QUESTION: What did former New York Times reporter, and now Fox analyst, Judith Miller say when she heard her Iraqi intelligence source known as "curveball" now admits everything he said about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were lies intended to give America an excuse to get rid of Saddam? (besides everyone knew I was crazy who thought they'd buy it?)

ANSWER: Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

QUESTION: What did Lt. Governor Gavin Newsom say at a recent ribbon cutting for a new Jiffy Lube in Brisbane?

ANSWER: "Taxes are the price Americans pay for not being rich or a corporation."

QUESTION: How did General Electric's CEO Jeffery Immelt react when the news broke his company made $15 billion in profit and received a $3.2 billion rebate from the IRS? (His response came from his new office in the Obama Administration)

ANSWER: "We will not allow a despot in Washington destroy our way of life, take away our guns and ability to resist, and tell us who can be an American citizen.

QUESTION: What did the commander of the attack on Ft. Sumter say when he ordered southern guns to open fire? (or what did Michele Bachman say just last week?)