Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Christmas is a time when we search and scramble for the perfect present for those we love. While I have mixed emotions about some of those on this list, each gift uniquely fits their aspirations, needs and skill sets. You are free to add your own gift suggestions to the list.

President Obama is in some serious need for love this year. The Republicans urged voters to put coal in his stocking, but we can do better. My gift for the President is a "stick". Over the next two years he can use it to draw lines in the sand and possibly get re-elected in 2012.

Sarah Palin may want Santa to help her move from Wasilla to Washington, but when she opens her gift she will find a globe, so at least she can know the difference between North and South Korea, a Rosetta Stone DVD to help her English language skills and a Tom Tom GPS locator to assist her in discovering she is in the 21st century United States and not the Gilded Age of a century ago much as she may wish it to be so.

For the new Speaker of the House John Boehner, a bottle of SPF 100 sunscreen and the new anniversary boxed set of the Wizard of Oz with a special feature on the scarecrow. While he is busy watching movies, his colleague, and former occupant of the speaker's chair, Nancy Pelosi will open two gifts. The first is a San Francisco street map highlighting all available venus for her to hold town meetings with her constituents and the second is a copy of the "Back Bencher's Guide to Bomb Throwing" by Newt Gingrich.

Governor elect Jerry Brown loves to be on the cutting edge of technology so Santa will bring him an iPhone4, Blackberry, iPad, Macbook Air and a Kindle. They will all contain the same software package enabling him to actually be organized. Included on the Macbook Air will be a prescription for Ritalin to help with his advanced case of ADD. Our about to be former mayor and soon to be Lt. Governor, Gavin Newsom, will get some of the heaviest gifts this season for use in between meetings. Included in his gift box will be copies of "War and Peace", "Ulysses", the entire James Michener catalogue and all six Harry Potter novels.

Senator Jim Demint of South Carolina will receive signed copy of "The History of the Know Nothing Party" autographed by former Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forest while former speaker of the House, and recently minted Roman Catholic, Newt Gingrich will unwrap a framed portrait of Torquemada along with a biography of Galileo.

Christmas present are sometimes about what we need instead of what we want. It's the reason we open boxes of socks or underwear or vacuum cleaners and George Forman Grills. In this case we have a gift for Hanbaugh. It will be a ruling from the FCC mandating that any radio license require each station to produce a certain percentage of local content. They will finally find out if they are as talented and entertaining as they think they are or just the default setting for most radios in America. Dr. Laura, who has moved to satellite radio, will open a chic box of 600 count sheets, enough for revery day of the week.

Christmas is a time for NFL playoffs and college bowl games and sports gifts are popular. The California Golden Bears will get a gift card good for one decent quarterback coach. Meanwhile, down on the farm, Stanford is getting the game, "Where's Waldo" so they can get into practice searching for football coach Jim Harbaugh as he criss-crosses the country trying to decide which new coaching offer to accept. The San Francisco Forty-Niners will get the Blu Ray edition of the Marx brothers classic, "Is There a New Doctor In the House?" accompanied by a CD of " You Don't Want to Know the Way to San Jose".

As for the rest of us...my wish is we get a new year in which people go back to work, our nation gets its fiscal house in order, but not on the back of the middle class, someone on the regressive side of the aisle discovers a true love of country and everyone reads Matthew 25 and commits to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick, and do whatever we can for the least of our brothers and sisters. Now that would be a great way to welcome the child in Bethlehem into the world.

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